These aren’t actual tips but just a few things I wish people had told me in all those unsolicited tips they were too ready to dish out.

Don’t be pressured to do anything

You will get people telling you which way is the best way to do things, what’s best for your baby, what happened to their babies might happen to yours “so do this to prevent it from happening”.

A friend of my mom’s told me how her granddaughter had cradle cap and they had to shave off all her hair because it was caused by the fact that she had big hair. So according to her my daughter would have uncontrollable cradle cap because she also had big hair. And then concluded and said I have to shave her head. LOL. I just laughed it off… My daughter’s hair is full and rich and her scalp is as healthy as can be.

Then there’s the grandparents. I’ve had to go respectfully go back and forth my parents about how I want to raise my daughter and the decisions I choose to make for her. I’ve had to thank them for doing a good job in raising me and in the same breath remind them that their job is done; now they’re grandparents and should assume that role.

It becomes more difficult to put your foot down as an unmarried black mother; your parents will always think they are involved in your decision making.

Don’t go overboard on baby clothes 

We all want our little munchkins to look cute all the time and that means many different little outfits. But trust me, they grow out of those faster than you can say “size 1-3 months”. So spare yourself the heartache of having to pack away clothes your baby only wore once.

You also don’t need all the latest baby gadgets. Those toys are costly and they come in stages, meaning you’ll probably use it for one stage.

It’s okay not to be your best self

Well, you absolutely have to shower, can’t get around that. But please give us a break on looking “good”, as long as we’re clean! I must have looked like a slob for the first 3 months. Only wearing loose maxi dresses, baggy track pants and super sized T-shirts, basically my “almost there” pregnancy clothes. I didn’t do my hair until I had to go back to work. Really I was a slob, a clean slob, that’s all that mattered.

Get as much sleep as you need

LOL, right… Ideally it is what our bodies need, but because we have free will, we pretty much do everything else but sleep. They say take a quick nap when your baby falls asleep. But what do we do? We watch them sleep, we spend hours on and catch up on mommy forums, while watching the baby sleep. And when the baby wakes up, we kick ourselves because we wasted time we could’ve used to rest. Anyway, my point is, you’ll have enough time to sleep when the baby is older and has a pattern or schedule. So go ahead and enjoy your new companion.

Baby ailments are not the end of the world

Eczema, baby rash, diaper rash, cradle cap, teething symptoms etc. These are some of the ailments your baby will get. And as new parents, these are new to us and we tend to rush to the ER when it happens.

I’m lucky to have a baby who hasn’t gotten very sick but she’s had the baby rash and really, REALLY bad diaper rash. The feelings of guilt and helplessness that overcomes us is incomparable. Watching your baby’s skin covered with red pimples is heartbreaking for us. But we must remind ourselves that it’s only heartbreaking for us, it only hurts us and not the babies. Children don’t know when they have eczema or a rash, unless it burns or it’s itchy. To which i can say; stay strong, hang in there, it will all pass.

Don’t be a germaphobe

Ease up on sterilizing your entire house and washing your hands every time you touch the baby. These little creatures are magnificent and they come fully equipped to be human. They come with a built-in immune system that allows them to fight germs. So if their whole environment is sterilized, that means there no germs to fight, which means your babies immune system will remain weak. And that leads to them actually getting sick whenever they come in contact with germs outside of your home.

All you need to be strict on keeping them away from sick people.

There’s no such things as a schedule

Almost all mommy blogs I’ve read say that you need to have a schedule for the baby. Sleeping schedule, breastfeeding schedule, sleeping schedule etc. As ideal as that sounds, half the time we are winging it and we take everything as it comes. We try to find our feet and do our best at the same time. We never know what stage is coming next and when exactly it will come. We just take it as it comes and we take cues from our babies. So to be quite honest, there’s no room for a schedule. Everything will just need to be done in the time between getting to know ourselves all over again and getting to know our babies.

Your baby might not look like you

I was so taken aback when my daughter was born and didn’t look like me. I never imagined I’d give birth to a girl who didn’t look like me. To be quite honest I thought she looked ugly. My superficial mind kicked in and I started to worry about how she’s going to grow up in this society that gives merit on good looks. Bad mom – I know.

Now she’s almost 8 month old and her appearance has changed so many times, and I can see myself in her now.

It might not be love at first sight

I felt so bad when I didn’t feel the love connection with my daughter right after birth. I even thought I was experiencing some postpartum depression and worried if I would be able to love my daughter the way a mother should. I’d always heard of “love at first sight”, but for me it didn’t come like that. The love and connection happened gradually.

So there you have it, a few tips I wish someone could’ve told me. For more you can out

You can also add some that you can think of below.