Wasn’t it easier carrying them around in our bellies?

My baby is 7 months old and she weighed 12kgs when I weighed her at 6 months. So you can imagine how much of a sport carrying her around is, but thank God for prams and baby wearing.

There are a couple of things that made me wish she was still inside my belly because they have become somewhat of challenge to do with a baby in hand. Add a fussy, cranky and sleepy baby to that.

So first of all, there’s no quick in and out when you’re shopping with a baby. It’s a whole trip guys, and its tiring! When you’re in the last stages of your pregnancy, all you wish for is to “pop already”, then you do pop and realize all the things you have to do with a baby in your arms – and wish they were still in your belly!

  1. The first time I wished she was still in my belly was when I drove into my complex and needed to run upstairs to grab something. She was asleep in her carseat and unstrapping and taking her inside with me meant that a two minute trip would take 15 minutes. I decided to leave her and run upstairs. I came back literally 5 minutes later and she was awake, crying like she’d been abandoned. I felt so bad, I also got teary. What type of a mother leaves her baby unattended to go a grab something real quick? She could’ve suffocated and died!
  2. The second time was this weekend when I decided to do a quick in and out at Dischem. This is now about 3 months after the first incident. She had been sleepy and fussy and finally fell asleep in her carseat. I had a 5 minute moral dilemma in the car. Do I wake her, unstrap her, drag her in the shop, meaning that my quick in and out will now become a 30 minute riff-raff. The conclusion? Run in, get everything you need – it’s all in one isle anyway, and run back. OK! Maybe not! The moral dilemma continued until my inner voice pointed my need to always be in a hurry. All that has to stop. Even if the shopping takes 5 hours, the baby’s safety and well being comes first. And leaving her in the car would warrant for some of y’all to call the cops on me.IMG_3176.JPG
  3. Same day; after Dischem, I went to get some takeaways for home. I took the baby in the restaurant with me and while were waiting for the order I had to go to the restroom. Oh Lord, why now? And holding in pee is still a bit risky for me. What to do? Take my personal companion with of course. Guys, I had to jump around while unzipping my jeans, baby in one arm, and I had to pee with her on my lap! I sat there and thought about my life. And that’s when I accepted that life has to happen hey! Small baby or not, things need to get done.
  4. When I’m eating and she wants to be held by me. Talk about juggling and throwing food into my mouth before she grabs or slaps it off my hand. I’ve mastered eating with my left hand and holding her on the far side so she doesn’t reach my plate. Most times she does. But we just continue because things need to be done, including eating.

All of this is embarrassing to talk about because sometimes I feel inadequate about my choices and the things I do as a mother. But I learn everyday how to manage, handle and cope.

Weaning and Eating Disorders, Is There a Link??

So my baby started solids and we’re also trying out baby led weaning, which is going VERY slowly.

So, puree is the best go to for now. I know for us working moms convenient comes before everything, so some moms will go for bottled and squishy purees, and that’s all okay. I prefer to make her food myself, and it’s the food I already have in my kitchen, the food I’m already preparing for myself anyway.

Before she started solids I did a bit of research about food and the relationship women have with food. I thought about all the food that put me off and I don’t like and what led to that, and most of it is because of an unpleasant memory attached to the food. I thought about the fact that as a kid, my parents used to force me to finish all the food in my plate, and that became a habit. All through my childhood I’d force myself to finish when someone dished more than I could eat, even well into my adulthood. I had to teach myself to put down the plate when I’m full. That it’s okay to eat it later, or the next day, or chuck it in the bin.

So I want to be conscious of the habits I may encourage. Some things I will do unconsciously as I grow and learn and that’s what life is.

I bought a new blender and searched for recipes, and found that there isn’t even much of a recipe, because it’s just whichever veges and fruits you choose. I started her with soft porridge; changed it 3 times until I found the one she liked. Then followed with sweet potato and butternut puree.

And now I add and mix it up and even include some chicken. It does’n t even take up much of your time because you can make it all at once for the whole week and keep in the freezer like you did with your breast milk if you were pumping. I do the week’s meal prep on Sundays because that’s normally a chilled day for me.

We’re also encouraging her to self feed or to wean herself because I want her to be in control of what she eats and how much she eats. When I feed her I take cues from her on whether she’s full but I don’t always stop feeding her immediately. Sometimes I want her to have just “one more spoon”. But if she feeds herself she’ll stop when she’s full.

This was supposed to be a post of the butternut and sweet potato purees, but I digressed. I even had to change the title.

So I’ll post in the next one.



These aren’t actual tips but just a few things I wish people had told me in all those unsolicited tips they were too ready to dish out.

Don’t be pressured to do anything

You will get people telling you which way is the best way to do things, what’s best for your baby, what happened to their babies might happen to yours “so do this to prevent it from happening”.

A friend of my mom’s told me how her granddaughter had cradle cap and they had to shave off all her hair because it was caused by the fact that she had big hair. So according to her my daughter would have uncontrollable cradle cap because she also had big hair. And then concluded and said I have to shave her head. LOL. I just laughed it off… My daughter’s hair is full and rich and her scalp is as healthy as can be.

Then there’s the grandparents. I’ve had to go respectfully go back and forth my parents about how I want to raise my daughter and the decisions I choose to make for her. I’ve had to thank them for doing a good job in raising me and in the same breath remind them that their job is done; now they’re grandparents and should assume that role.

It becomes more difficult to put your foot down as an unmarried black mother; your parents will always think they are involved in your decision making.

Don’t go overboard on baby clothes 

We all want our little munchkins to look cute all the time and that means many different little outfits. But trust me, they grow out of those faster than you can say “size 1-3 months”. So spare yourself the heartache of having to pack away clothes your baby only wore once.

You also don’t need all the latest baby gadgets. Those toys are costly and they come in stages, meaning you’ll probably use it for one stage.

It’s okay not to be your best self

Well, you absolutely have to shower, can’t get around that. But please give us a break on looking “good”, as long as we’re clean! I must have looked like a slob for the first 3 months. Only wearing loose maxi dresses, baggy track pants and super sized T-shirts, basically my “almost there” pregnancy clothes. I didn’t do my hair until I had to go back to work. Really I was a slob, a clean slob, that’s all that mattered.

Get as much sleep as you need

LOL, right… Ideally it is what our bodies need, but because we have free will, we pretty much do everything else but sleep. They say take a quick nap when your baby falls asleep. But what do we do? We watch them sleep, we spend hours on baby.com and catch up on mommy forums, while watching the baby sleep. And when the baby wakes up, we kick ourselves because we wasted time we could’ve used to rest. Anyway, my point is, you’ll have enough time to sleep when the baby is older and has a pattern or schedule. So go ahead and enjoy your new companion.

Baby ailments are not the end of the world

Eczema, baby rash, diaper rash, cradle cap, teething symptoms etc. These are some of the ailments your baby will get. And as new parents, these are new to us and we tend to rush to the ER when it happens.

I’m lucky to have a baby who hasn’t gotten very sick but she’s had the baby rash and really, REALLY bad diaper rash. The feelings of guilt and helplessness that overcomes us is incomparable. Watching your baby’s skin covered with red pimples is heartbreaking for us. But we must remind ourselves that it’s only heartbreaking for us, it only hurts us and not the babies. Children don’t know when they have eczema or a rash, unless it burns or it’s itchy. To which i can say; stay strong, hang in there, it will all pass.

Don’t be a germaphobe

Ease up on sterilizing your entire house and washing your hands every time you touch the baby. These little creatures are magnificent and they come fully equipped to be human. They come with a built-in immune system that allows them to fight germs. So if their whole environment is sterilized, that means there no germs to fight, which means your babies immune system will remain weak. And that leads to them actually getting sick whenever they come in contact with germs outside of your home.

All you need to be strict on keeping them away from sick people.

There’s no such things as a schedule

Almost all mommy blogs I’ve read say that you need to have a schedule for the baby. Sleeping schedule, breastfeeding schedule, sleeping schedule etc. As ideal as that sounds, half the time we are winging it and we take everything as it comes. We try to find our feet and do our best at the same time. We never know what stage is coming next and when exactly it will come. We just take it as it comes and we take cues from our babies. So to be quite honest, there’s no room for a schedule. Everything will just need to be done in the time between getting to know ourselves all over again and getting to know our babies.

Your baby might not look like you

I was so taken aback when my daughter was born and didn’t look like me. I never imagined I’d give birth to a girl who didn’t look like me. To be quite honest I thought she looked ugly. My superficial mind kicked in and I started to worry about how she’s going to grow up in this society that gives merit on good looks. Bad mom – I know.

Now she’s almost 8 month old and her appearance has changed so many times, and I can see myself in her now.

It might not be love at first sight

I felt so bad when I didn’t feel the love connection with my daughter right after birth. I even thought I was experiencing some postpartum depression and worried if I would be able to love my daughter the way a mother should. I’d always heard of “love at first sight”, but for me it didn’t come like that. The love and connection happened gradually.

So there you have it, a few tips I wish someone could’ve told me. For more you can out http://fertilebrains.com/10-slightly-unconventional-tips-for-first-time-moms/

You can also add some that you can think of below.


Getting your groove back after child birth



At some point motherhood may start to feel like a job, and it’s not supposed to be. Being a Mom is wonderful but it’s not easy. Stress, lack of sleep and obligations begin to rob you of the joy of motherhood and often without noticing, a big chunk of your happiness as a parent and mother may disappear.

Once our babies are born, everything we think of and do is for them. Well Moms, who you are and how you feel is absolutely important too! And getting your groove back is probably the best gift you can give your baby.

I thought I’d share some of the things that helped me in the hopes that they will help you too. Let’s get that groove back mamas!

Admit when you’re stressed and ask for help


Ironically, once you stop expecting motherhood to feel warm and fuzzy all the time, life as a mom gets easier. It really helps to realize that it’s okay to feel frustrated, angry, tired, or irritable sometimes. You’re not a bad parent. It’s not even a bad parenting experience. It’s just normal. I’m sure you’ve had many people tell you to shout if you need anything; please, take advantage of that!

Leave the house


Have you been outside today? Fresh air, sunlight, and nature are believed to be critical mood enhancers for women, and moms can get this little lift while pushing strollers, swings or just a little walk.

Buy yourself nice shoes or a new outfit


For a little while after giving birth, I struggled to figure out how to dress and be stylish again. I also didn’t know what dress size I was. So I just decided to change my look a bit, bought a couple of new dresses, super tight jeans, accessories and even started wearing make up! All this definitely gave me a boost.

Have a date night

As soon as you feel ready, let your parents stay with the baby and go out on a date with your boo thang or your friends. Babies can be all consuming and it feels good to be away from them for a bit and to reconnect with the world. I started attending a lot of social and work events which helped me let loose.

Give the baby pics a break on social media

It can be totally tempting to baby spam everyone on your social media once you become a parent, and I’m the first to admit I’m one of those moms. Consider changing it up every once in a while with a pretty flower, a picture of your lunch or whatever else that interests you. It will force you to get out of mom mode for a moment and remember that while you love your baby with your whole life, you also like other things.

Get back to hobbying

Hobbies aren’t something that you typically have time for with a small baby, but every now and then try to squeeze in some time for things you used to enjoy. This could be cooking, crafting, reading etc. And t doesn’t have to take all your time. It could be for 15 or 30 minutes while the baby naps.

Eat, sleep and be merry

Many women want to lose the baby weight after birth, and this contributes to the lowness that you may be feeling. Sometimes, your internal happiness outweighs they way you look on the outside. How you feel inside always exudes on the outside. So don’t starve yourself, eat healthy food that makes full and happy. And please sleep! When you baby sleeps, so do you!

Have a glass of wine


This may be bad advice for new moms, but oopsie!

Go back to the gym


I’m still to do this *hides*. I haven’t set my foot in the gym since before I fell pregnant. But I hear it is a surefire way to pick your spirits. So do give it a shot.

I know there’s more, so please drop some of the ways that you got your groove back after giving birth.