I Resented my Partner when I was Pregnant

I said to my partner, “I miss being pregnant”. And his response; “please don’t, you’re bad at being pregnant”.

He said it jokingly and we laughed about it but it came from a deep place. I’ve since had to really think about the person I was when I was pregnant. Marriage counselors often speak about “your married self”. That you often don’t know what kind of wife/husband you’ll be because you don’t know your married self.

In my case, I think I was a different person when I was pregnant. Different to what I actually thought I was. I really thought I was pleasant, no mood swings and not demanding, lol. I really did. To be quite honest, a lot of things are a blur from when I was pregnant. It wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned that to me. Soon after I gave birth he did say that I gave him a hard time. But I just brushed it off. But this second time made me think.

And it all came back, the feelings and frustrations I had resurfaced and I remembered that I subconsciously resented my partner. It was both our first pregnancy and we didn’t know much. We had to learn together. But I hated the fact that I had to bear more responsibility for this shared mission. I hated that he’d brag about having strong sperm and giving me a baby all the while it was just his sperm and the actual manufacturing of this being is done by ME and MY BODY!

I resented him for the fact that I still needed to be a functioning human being and do normal things when I was ALREADY busy making a baby. That is taxing enough on a person’s body. I hated even the smallest things, I’d get annoyed when he asked to pass him something, because HELLO, baby making is in progress! I remember now that he cooked a lot when I was pregnant, because when I wasn’t hungry, no one was eating.

I’ll leave it right here. I’m not rehashing more memories, and I’m sure if I were to ask him to fill in the gaps, he’d confirm that I was demanding, and had unpleasant mood swings. I’m grateful that he took it all like a man. I’m grateful that he didn’t retaliate and try to also make me feel bad. Some men are not strong enough for this and that’s why they leave.

I’m conscious of my pregnant self now. I will be better and do better next time.



These aren’t actual tips but just a few things I wish people had told me in all those unsolicited tips they were too ready to dish out.

Don’t be pressured to do anything

You will get people telling you which way is the best way to do things, what’s best for your baby, what happened to their babies might happen to yours “so do this to prevent it from happening”.

A friend of my mom’s told me how her granddaughter had cradle cap and they had to shave off all her hair because it was caused by the fact that she had big hair. So according to her my daughter would have uncontrollable cradle cap because she also had big hair. And then concluded and said I have to shave her head. LOL. I just laughed it off… My daughter’s hair is full and rich and her scalp is as healthy as can be.

Then there’s the grandparents. I’ve had to go respectfully go back and forth my parents about how I want to raise my daughter and the decisions I choose to make for her. I’ve had to thank them for doing a good job in raising me and in the same breath remind them that their job is done; now they’re grandparents and should assume that role.

It becomes more difficult to put your foot down as an unmarried black mother; your parents will always think they are involved in your decision making.

Don’t go overboard on baby clothes 

We all want our little munchkins to look cute all the time and that means many different little outfits. But trust me, they grow out of those faster than you can say “size 1-3 months”. So spare yourself the heartache of having to pack away clothes your baby only wore once.

You also don’t need all the latest baby gadgets. Those toys are costly and they come in stages, meaning you’ll probably use it for one stage.

It’s okay not to be your best self

Well, you absolutely have to shower, can’t get around that. But please give us a break on looking “good”, as long as we’re clean! I must have looked like a slob for the first 3 months. Only wearing loose maxi dresses, baggy track pants and super sized T-shirts, basically my “almost there” pregnancy clothes. I didn’t do my hair until I had to go back to work. Really I was a slob, a clean slob, that’s all that mattered.

Get as much sleep as you need

LOL, right… Ideally it is what our bodies need, but because we have free will, we pretty much do everything else but sleep. They say take a quick nap when your baby falls asleep. But what do we do? We watch them sleep, we spend hours on baby.com and catch up on mommy forums, while watching the baby sleep. And when the baby wakes up, we kick ourselves because we wasted time we could’ve used to rest. Anyway, my point is, you’ll have enough time to sleep when the baby is older and has a pattern or schedule. So go ahead and enjoy your new companion.

Baby ailments are not the end of the world

Eczema, baby rash, diaper rash, cradle cap, teething symptoms etc. These are some of the ailments your baby will get. And as new parents, these are new to us and we tend to rush to the ER when it happens.

I’m lucky to have a baby who hasn’t gotten very sick but she’s had the baby rash and really, REALLY bad diaper rash. The feelings of guilt and helplessness that overcomes us is incomparable. Watching your baby’s skin covered with red pimples is heartbreaking for us. But we must remind ourselves that it’s only heartbreaking for us, it only hurts us and not the babies. Children don’t know when they have eczema or a rash, unless it burns or it’s itchy. To which i can say; stay strong, hang in there, it will all pass.

Don’t be a germaphobe

Ease up on sterilizing your entire house and washing your hands every time you touch the baby. These little creatures are magnificent and they come fully equipped to be human. They come with a built-in immune system that allows them to fight germs. So if their whole environment is sterilized, that means there no germs to fight, which means your babies immune system will remain weak. And that leads to them actually getting sick whenever they come in contact with germs outside of your home.

All you need to be strict on keeping them away from sick people.

There’s no such things as a schedule

Almost all mommy blogs I’ve read say that you need to have a schedule for the baby. Sleeping schedule, breastfeeding schedule, sleeping schedule etc. As ideal as that sounds, half the time we are winging it and we take everything as it comes. We try to find our feet and do our best at the same time. We never know what stage is coming next and when exactly it will come. We just take it as it comes and we take cues from our babies. So to be quite honest, there’s no room for a schedule. Everything will just need to be done in the time between getting to know ourselves all over again and getting to know our babies.

Your baby might not look like you

I was so taken aback when my daughter was born and didn’t look like me. I never imagined I’d give birth to a girl who didn’t look like me. To be quite honest I thought she looked ugly. My superficial mind kicked in and I started to worry about how she’s going to grow up in this society that gives merit on good looks. Bad mom – I know.

Now she’s almost 8 month old and her appearance has changed so many times, and I can see myself in her now.

It might not be love at first sight

I felt so bad when I didn’t feel the love connection with my daughter right after birth. I even thought I was experiencing some postpartum depression and worried if I would be able to love my daughter the way a mother should. I’d always heard of “love at first sight”, but for me it didn’t come like that. The love and connection happened gradually.

So there you have it, a few tips I wish someone could’ve told me. For more you can out http://fertilebrains.com/10-slightly-unconventional-tips-for-first-time-moms/

You can also add some that you can think of below.

8 things to do at the Mama Tribe SA Picnic.

The Easter holidays are around the corner and apart from spending time with family, you might want to hang out with other mommies with or without your little one. The perfect place will have to be the Mama Tribe SA picnic happening on Saturday, 31st of March.

It’s going to be chilled vibes with entertainment for the little ones, blue skies, picnic blankets and baskets.

These are 8 things that you can do at the picnic.

  1. It’s a picnic so bring your blankets, baskets and snacks.
  2. You can bring your children’s old clothes and toys for donation.
  3. We’re going to send your little ones on a sugary run with the Easter egg hunt.Mama Tribe SA
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  4. Ever wondered what you’d do if your child choked or drowned? Do you have the basic medical skills or tools help your child while you wait for the doctor? At the Mama Tribe SA picnic there will be a medical professional who will give you some first aid tips and answer your personal questions. Mama Tribe SA
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  5. It will just be mothers and those interested in the motherhood topic so you will get to talk all you want about your kids. We know that’s all you want to do so you can it here with no judgment.
  6. Delta Park has beautiful and well maintained jungle gyms but there’ll also be a soft play area for the smaller little ones, as well as a jumping castle. Mama Tribe SA
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  7. We promote reading and starting young, so come check out some books and let your little ones be enthralled by a story through a book reading.Mama Tribe SA
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  8. Natural hair consultations! We’ve barely learned how to treat our natural hair, so what more our children’s? Earthy SA will be there to hook us up.
  9. And finally and most importantly, you will get to interact with likeminded mommies and start to share the journey of having new and much needed conversations, with each other and our kids.


Getting there

77 Craighall Rd, Victory Park, Randburg, 2195

From the South 

Merge onto M1

Keep left to continue on the M1

Take the Empire Road exit

Keep left at the fork, follow signs for R55/Auckland Park and merge onto Empire Rd
Merge onto Empire Rd
Take the ramp to Emmarentia
Merge onto Barry Hertzog Ave
Continue straight onto Rustenburg Rd
Turn right onto Rd No 3
Turn left onto Craighall Rd
From the North
Continue onto N1
Take the M5/Beyers Naude Drive exit toward Honeydew/Northcliff
Keep left at the fork to continue toward Beyers Naudé Dr/M5
Turn left onto Beyers Naudé Dr/M5
Turn left onto Judges Ave
Turn left onto Malibongwe Dr
Slight right onto South Rd
Turn left onto 1st St
Turn right onto 1st Ave
Turn left onto Andre St
Turn left at the 1st cross street onto Leighton Rd
Leighton Rd turns right and becomes Rd No 5
Turn left onto Rd No 3
Turn left onto Craighall Rd

Birthday Blues

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Birthday Blues Are a Real Thing

I’m a birthday enthusiast; I come from a family of birthday fanatics.

I didn’t know there was such a thing until I had to look it up. I recently celebrated my birthday, and I had an unexpectedly special day. But I was miserable the few days leading up to my birthday. And I could not pinpoint my sadness. I have a melancholic personality and I generally gravitate towards sadness. I’m seldom sad but I like sad music and movies that make me cry, and I feel deeply for another people. But the sadness I was feeling at this time was coming from within but when I looked at my life everything seemed good. I couldn’t think of anything that made me sad, but here I was, constantly on the verge of tears.

I came home after work in a low mood and my partner found me crunched up on the couch. I said “nothing” when he asked what was wrong. He asked again the second time and I said I was tired. I really was tired, but I was also said I couldn’t explain my sadness.

The next morning on my drive to work I did some introspection. I always interrogate the feelings and thoughts I get and want to know the root. I remembered that I felt the same way during my birthday last year. But I remember brushing off my feelings because I was heavily pregnant – I attributed my mood to pregnancy hormones. But I realised it’s the exact same feeling.

As soon as I got to work I googled something along the lines “feeling anxious and depressed just before your birthday” and BOOM! Google had the answer. It’s called Birthday Blues.

The Urban Dictionary defines Birthday Blues as a general sadness or feeling down by a person on or around their birthday.

This was I, obviously but what causes this depression during a time that’s supposed to be happy and joyous?

While there may be many reasons to cause someone to feel down on their birthday, some of the most common reason include:


  • This was the first go-to thought for my reason for feeling down. I just turned 31! Age has never been an issue for me. I was always amongst the youngest in my group of friends and I never looked my age as I grew older. People were always shocked when I mentioned my age. But what I’m faced with now is being surrounded by “youngins”. I now work with 25 year olds and it was just yesterday when I was the 25 year old.


  • Birthdays are a time to take stock of your life and where things are going. If you’re experiencing negative life events, it’s highly likely that you want to zoom in on them on your birthday.
  • I feel okay about my achievements so far. But I woke up to the fact that I’m now in my 30’s and with all I’ve achieved, there’s so much more I still need to and the years are not on my side!


  • Some people use a birthday not only to reflect but also to compare themselves with peers. This comes naturally but it can ruin your day really fast.


  • There’s this unspoken idea surrounding birthdays that they have to big, exciting, epic. And this expectation alone can cause birthday nerves and anxiety. The root cause here may be because you’re worried people will forget it’s your birthday or you don’t have a big group of friends to go out and celebrate with.


  • The fear of your parents dying or you dying and leaving your children. Getting older only means death, right!?

I feel like birthday anxiety came too soon for me, but I feel better after being open and speaking about it with the people around me.

Oh, I ended up having a pretty dope day. As much as I was feeling down, I still managed to make a fuss about it. I spoke through my anxieties and was able to bring myself back to myself.

Have you ever been hit by birthday blues? Could you pinpoint the root of your sadness?




We’re Excited For Samkelo and her New Bundle of Joy


Actress Samkelo Ndlovu took to social media and expressed her pure joy for the gift that is her baby girl. She confirmed that her baby was on the 14th of February; the beginning of a great love affair if you ask me.

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As far as motherhood goes, Samu said she was completely smitten with her little girl.

“She’s only three days old and already showing so much personality. Go figure. I haven’t stopped starring at her. Her dad is worse, he holds her even while she’s asleep.”

She has also shared how much joy her daughter has brought into their lives since her birth.

“I haven’t stopped staring at her. Her dad is worse, he holds her even while she’s asleep.”

Samu has moved back home so that her mother can help take care of her and baby. A mother’s help always comes in handy, especially for your first child.

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She hasn’t released pictures of her baby yet but I bet she’s going to break the internet like she did when she posted pictures from her pregnancy photoshoot. They’re gorgeous and regal! 24273956_932834193547826_3243954387390824448_n

Congratulations to Samu! We hope her little one brings more joy and happiness to her and her family.

Things Never To Say To A Mom

Moms worry about many things and they definitely do not need you making rude comments just because you have to say something. Show a little sensitivity by being careful not to say these things to mothers.

  1. She looks nothing like you.


I get this all the time and it doesn’t upset me, I just don’t get why people have to state the obvious. But what did get to me was right after my daughter was born and people used to get visibly surprised by the fact that her skin’s darker than mine. Some would even console me and say she will gain complexion the older she gets.

2. She’s too big/small for her age.

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Stop body shaming babies guys. My baby was 5.1kg at birth. Yup, that’s huge. Imagine how many people I’ve had to listen to tell me how big she is, as if i didn’t push her out my vagina. And some babies’ weight is health related, so please avoid having to hurt a mother’s feelings.

3. When you post a turnt picture. Person: where’s your baby?

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So apparently once you become a mom you might as well RIP. Don’t you know that’s when we get unlocked??

4. Breast is best

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Come on! We all know that breast is best. And as natural and God gifted as it is, not all mothers are able breastfeed. And those who can’t are already dealing with the guilt of not being able to. So please chill out on the breast is best talk.

5. Can I hold her?

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No stranger you can’t.

6. My baby never cried.

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I’m pretty sure all babies cry…

7. Comparing children’s milestones

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Your baby’s only starting to crawl now? My kid started running when she was 6 months old. Your child can’t talk yet? By the 3rd month my baby was counting up to five. STOP IT. We all know children’s developmental stages are not the same.

8. Judging parenting and disciplining styles

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I’m sure some of y’all wish you could discipline our kids for us. Well, it’s easy being an imaginary parent. You know exactly what you’d do if you were a parent, right? Let’s talk again when you’re parent.

9. Mom body shaming

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Our bodies have literally been through THE MOST! So when we come out of pregnancy with confidence and a new appreciation for our bodies, don’t shame us.

I thank you.